The Story of Every "Two Guys, One Girl" Love Triangle Ever

[salienne]

A summary of every love triangle wherein one girl chooses between two guys two guys fight over a girl prize:

GIRL: Doo doo doo, life is lonely.

GUY 1: Hello girl. I am hot.

GIRL: Oh heavens I may be a little wet, I am in love!

GUY 1: I love you too bb.

*ENTER: Guy 2*

GUY 2: Hello girl. I am more hot.

GIRL: Oh heavens I may be a little wet, I am already in love! But but...

GUY 2: I love-

GUY 1: HEY. Mine!

GUY 2: Who says?

GUY 1: I say. I mean, um... she says! Let's let her choose.

GUY 2: But of course.

GIRL: Okay. Cool. 'Cause-

GUY 1: Why are you here anyway? What do you want?

GUY 2: I want her. And she wants me.

GIRL: Actually-

GUY 1: No. She wants me.

GUY 2: She wants me.

GIRL: ...I'm not really important to this conversation, am I?

GUY 1: Me.

GUY 2: Me.

GUY 1: I'll fight (you) for her.

GUY 2: Any time, dudebroass.

GIRL: ...

*GIRL goes to a cafe with a very long book*

GUY 1: You're on!

*GUY 1 and GUY 2 proceed to have various contests of bravery and manly manliness, getting all hot and dirty and making ~eyes~ at each other, until such time as one of them wins. Let's go with GUY 1.*

GUY 1: Ha! I beat you!

Guy 2: ...Dammit.

GUY 1: I get the girl! I get the girl!

*GIRL comes back from the cafe, where she was actually quite enjoying her book and latte, as a woman ending up single would be a tragedy of incalculable proportions.*

GIRL: Aren't I the protagonist here?

GUY 1: Ha! I got the girl!

GUY 2: So you did. *To GIRL* I will always love you, but I realize now your heart lies with him.

GIRL: ...Yeah. Guess so. I LOVE YOU GUY 1, I ALWAYS HAVE.

GUY 1: I LOVE YOU, GIRL.

*GUY 2 leaves. GUY 1 gets his reward and GIRL life happily ever after.*