salienne

How to give my dog a bath:

MOM: Gets small tub and puts at side of living room by the balcony.
DOG: …
MOM: Cookie, come here! Come here!
DOG: …
ME: Gets a treat from the closet on the opposite end of the room from the bath
DAD: Cookie! Come over here!
DOG: Gets up and follows me.
ME: Walks over to the bath dangling the treat. Come here, puppy! Come on baby!
DOG: Follows only a small portion of the way. Then stops and stares looking cute.
MOM and DAD: Try cajoling and forcing.
ME: Dangles treat
DOG: Tries to snatch at treat. Fails. YOWL YOWL YOWL. Dog runs to his bed and lies down, staring up at us with a nervously wagging tail.
MOM, DAD, ME: Give up on the bath idea.
MOM: Drags the bed over to the balcony. Then out onto the balcony. Brings in various pots with hot water. Shuts balcony door.
DOG: … Gets up. Goes to the bathroom. Refuses to get off grass and go back to balcony.
MOM: Nudges back to balcony
MOM and ME: Wash dog.
DOG: YOWL YOWL YOWL YOWL YOWL YOWL!
MOM and ME: Finish. Quickly.

Now, granted, some of this is my dog being in pain when he’s touched wrong (due to the enormous tumor on his shoulder). The rest is just him being a brat.